Convert Resistance to Support

Leadership Coaching Notes March 2010

Convert Resistance to Support

How do you respond to the pushback others throw at you when you propose new ideas or announce new decisions? I find my clients make big progress with this predictable and important challenge when they use one of 3 simple responses. How well do you use them?

Three Reasons People Disagree and Ways Smart Leaders Respond:

1.    Your ideas and decisions aren’t the best. Great leaders welcome this (ok, remote) possibility. They use resistance, disagreement, and passivity as a BIG signal to stop, ask questions of interest, listen more deeply and invite others to expand their current understanding. They know that diverse input will enrich their thinking and creativity.

What you can do: Take the Chris Matthews approach.
(www.thechrismattewsshow.com) He ends each program by asking his diverse panelists to “Tell me something I don’t know.” He invites challenge, new information and surprises. Rather than fight differences, choose, like Chris, to be intrigued. Others’ resistance is great “raw material” for building new interpersonal and business success.

With others’ input, you may or may not change your final decisions. But, you will engage others by showing interest in them and you will learn the “hot buttons” and misunderstandings you must address to win their support.

2. Others’ ideas are outdated. As a leader, (with or without a title) you are “out front” of others in your understanding of your situation, future and cutting edge ideas. Your new ideas may not “fit” within others’ historic models of effectiveness.

When you discover that others hold views that worked well in an earlier situation, but aren’t applicable to your current challenge or opportunity, it is time to teach, not push harder.

What you can do: Start by agreeing. “Yes, I understand where you’re coming
from. We’ve historically handled this issue in the way you propose. It was right on then. The challenge is that this situation is different. What is new now is (describe….) We need to find a new approach. Let’s think through ideas that will meet these new challenges.” Then, start updating everyone’s understanding of the current context and exploring options together.

3. Others’ ideas are incomplete. As a leader, you have a broader view of your world than others do. Others may not have your rich experience with clients or insights about their needs. Others may see only a slice of the whole picture when you understand it broadly.
When you realize others’ resistance happens because their thinking is “bounded” by too narrow a perspective, stretch their “frame” of understanding.

What you can do: Agree that others’ ideas make great sense when considering one set of facts. Then show today or tomorrow’s bigger picture. Explore the breadth of factors a new solution must address to succeed. With a new angle of view, others can more easily shift their thinking and support.

Start Today:

Welcome resistance. It happens when people care. You don’t want passive lumps around you; you want people with passion. They won’t always see the world as you do…isn’t that grand?

Notice when others hit resistance this week, at work, at home and socially. You’ll observe how often it happens for one of these three reasons. How do others respond? Do they argue and push back or pause and embrace it? Once you observe others, you’ll recognize what happens more easily when you face it. You’ll more easily respond with learning and teaching vs. reacting and provoking more resistance.

What’s Next:

If you or those you are developing are meeting resistance that interferes with accomplishing important goals and you are frustrated, give me a call. I can help you learn to accelerate your progress. Our first call is always free and I’m always happy to hear from you.

Liked the article? Didn’t like it? Have any questions? Additional ideas? Drop me a line mkimbell@corporateadventure.com. I’d love to hear from you!

All the best,

Meredith Kimbell
Executive Advisor,Strategy Consultant
Corporate Adventure

Leadership Coaching Notes uses real or composite client examples drawn from 25 years of coaching and consulting with leaders committed to solving their toughest personal, interpersonal and organizational issues.
Unless otherwise attributed, all material is copyrighted by Meredith Kimbell © 2011. All rights reserved. You may reprint any or all of this material if you include the following:
“Leadership Coaching Notes © 2011 Meredith Kimbell, Corporate Adventure, Reston, VA. Used with permission.”