Break the Habit of Over Committing: Use a “No! Button”

Leadership Coaching Notes – March 2012

Randy watched his family and personal time shrink as his leadership responsibilities grew. He knew the costs. He knew basic time management techniques, but they were inadequate as he faced an increasing list of “A” priorities. Despite clear goals and weeks of good intention, nothing changed…until I gave him the “NO!” button I found at a Hallmark® card store.

What Worked? Increase Your Sanity and Success by Saying “No”

Remember You Have a Choice: Randy liked being an expert and liked that his accountabilities were urgent and important. His love of contributing too often led to saying, “Yes” before he realized the implication of each decision.  Ironically, he had an “easy” button on his conference table…all too revealing of this debilitating habit.  By adding a NO! button (which barks a memorable, “NO!” with each press), he gained the reminder he needed to pause long enough to make thoughtful choices.

Ask Others to Prioritize:  While Randy put the NO! button on his table for his personal benefit, he was amazed that, without any explanation or threat, his staff spontaneously changed. The button reminded them that Randy could say, “No” to any idea, request or proposal. With this wacky prop, they began coming more prepared and offered him higher quality ideas. They did their homework before they arrived. Their drive to avoid a “NO!” reduced the time everyone spent with low-value ideas.

Say “NO!” to the Mindsets that Sabotage Your Sanity and Success:  Randy began noticing his pattern of choices and specifically, the choices he just assumed required a “yes.”  He discovered there were specific people (e.g., bosses) and kinds of requests (e.g. urgent deadlines, even when the urgency was caused by others’ poor choices) that triggered his self- punishing habit.  As he discovered unproductive mindsets, he challenged his thinking and found options.

Randy realized that he could make a much bigger contribution AND stay saner by skillfully challenging, declining and negotiating more rigorously. He looked at his No! button and asked himself, “Will this request add real value or is it something another just wants off his own plate? Is it urgent, really? Is there someone more appropriate to handle the request? Would another enjoy or learn by responding? Does the request play to my interests and goals or just my desire to be a nice guy who likes to seem invincible?” Some of his discoveries were uncomfortable, but also invaluable for revealing better options.

So What

By saying “No” more appropriately and skillfully, some of the craziness, pressure and struggle of life lifted. Randy took accountability for creating the life he most wanted instead of settling for excuses, stress and passive longing. He reduced unsatisfying mediocrity that came with dashing from task to task and enjoyed delivering strong results on the “critical few” assignments that mattered most to him and his organization. Over time, he strengthened his identity as a valuable leader in the eyes of his boss, peers and team.

While the seduction of old habits always lurked, the impact of his new clarity, commitment and new choices on his health, family and work became so satisfying that temptations became far less alluring. Healthy choices became his new habit.

What’s Next

Overwhelm, frustration, emptiness, health and family issues are invitations to make new choices in life. If you are a leader committed to raising vitality, sanity, meaning and contribution in your life and the lives of others, I am enthusiastic about exploring how to build the habits that produce these. Our first call is always free. You will find me an insightful, inspiring, kind and skillful partner for your journey.

Comments?

Do you have additional ideas for setting boundaries and sustaining focus on what’s most important so you create the life you want? Add your comments below.

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All the best,

Meredith Kimbell
Executive Advisor,Strategy Consultant
Corporate Adventure

Leadership Coaching Notes uses real or composite client examples drawn from 25 years of coaching and consulting with leaders committed to solving their toughest personal, interpersonal and organizational issues.
Unless otherwise attributed, all material is copyrighted by Meredith Kimbell © 2011. All rights reserved. You may reprint any or all of this material if you include the following:
“Leadership Coaching Notes © 2011 Meredith Kimbell, Corporate Adventure, Reston, VA. Used with permission.”